What does a session look like?

Settling into an understanding of what spiritual companionship is can be a process. I’m often asked what happens in spiritual direction, how spiritual direction differs from counseling or therapy, and what is appropriate to bring to a session. While I do my best to answer these questions and guide the understanding to a place of comfort for the person asking, in practice the spiritual direction relationship is unique to each person with whom I share space, and never follows any particular formula. I deeply trust God in this relationship and I attribute the uniqueness to the mystery of the Spirit’s presence, and the beautiful and unknown individual across from me.

But there is a flow to the times I meet with those seeking to deepen their lives, to encounter the Holy, and understand their truest selves. I seek to enter this flow instead of force it, and am often carried into places that surprise me, even as those I am companioning are also surprised. It is a sacred experience and a perpetual opportunity for compassion, wonder, and connection.

During a typical session

The beginning of our time together is about settling into the space and opening into trust. Silence is a part of this time, and I always light a candle in honor and acknowledgement of the mystery of God’s presence. Sometimes I will begin with a brief guided meditation to allow my companion to be present and aware of the state of her mind, body, and heart; often I will offer a prayer to close the silence. Occasionally my companion would like to offer the prayer, or maybe the holy space invites only a quiet “Amen”. This initial few minutes will sometimes offer clarity and my companion will realize that what he thought he came to share is not the most present thing on his heart. This is the power of the silence, and fruit of the posture of openness to the Spirit’s movement instead of, or in addition to, our own.

What follows is a winding of words through the topic that is shared. My work is to listen– to the words, beneath the words, between the words, and also to the Spirit’s movement in me. This time of winding allows things that are pre- and sub-verbal to make themselves known, and often words are insufficient and clunky. So I might guide by asking a question, mirroring back a specifically resonant phrase, or inviting silence. There might be an opportunity for me to prompt the creating of an image or feeling that illuminates the topic or experience. It is a process of exploration we attend to together, with the understanding that God is constantly buoying our conversation with deep presence. And for those who like “homework”, I will regularly offer suggestions for practices and readings that might support the journey.

Anything is welcome in a spiritual direction session: confusion, anger, celebration, profound experiences and dull ones, questions and certainties, dreams, relationships, scripture passages, poetry, wrestlings and resistances, and on and on. The safety and non-judgment of the space we hold is of the utmost priority. It is part of what makes spiritual companionship so valuable. Rarely in our lives are we invited into a space with the whole of our identity– the parts that we embrace, and the parts that are unwelcome even to ourselves.

How spiritual direction differs from counseling

I believe that the value of each of these spaces of listening cannot be measured, and that in an ideal world everyone would have both a spiritual director and a therapist. The relationships benefit, complement, and uphold each other. In my experience, the difference lies in the intent and the goal.

Spiritual direction is an open space of exploration within the context of our journey with Mystery. Regardless of whether we engage in formal religious or spiritual activities or communities or not, we all ask the deepest questions of meaning and desire a place safe enough to wrestle with them. In spiritual direction, there is no clinical end result, diagnosis, or specific “path of healing”. The purpose and healing lie in the deepening itself. The deepening into our own experience, into God, into meaning is the purpose. The wandering is the path of healing. And as we wander we find that we are not alone, we find the permission to be and let go, and we find compassion for ourselves and the world. Barbara Brown Taylor, I think, said it best: “We go to counselors when we want help getting out of caves. We go to spiritual directors when we are ready to be led farther in.” (Learning to Walk in the Dark)